Dear Doctor
by Fayth3
Summary: Rose says the things she didn't get a chance to.


Dear Doctor,

I know it's kind of ridiculous for me to be writing this, knowing that you'll never read it but there are some things that I never said to you that I wish I had—not that that's a great surprise. We always managed to talk for hours but we never actually said anything important. It was there, wasn't it? Just not spoken.

I honestly thought that we'd have forever and we'd eventually say all those words that we danced around. But we didn't. Those words were snatched away from me and I feel so cheated.

God, I miss you. I miss you so much.

Everyday is hard here on "Pete's World"—he's my dad but he's not and this is my Earth but it's not. The stars aren't the same and the air doesn't feel right and I remember what you said about feeling the turn of the Earth and sometimes I get so damn dizzy even though I'm standing still. I want to let go and fall, but I won't.

Mum's okay (you'll be relieved to know!), she's also different; having Pete here makes so much difference and sometimes it hurts to see her so happy when I know that I can't be—at least not just yet. I am pleased for her, though, and Mickey; he got together with Jake, if you can believe it! He moved on, eventually, took some convincing, and I want to do the same. I do. I can't until I've said this; even though you'll never read these words and never see these tears, I have to tell you.

Thank you.

God, just thank you for so much, for everything.

Thank you for showing me that there was more to life than sitting around and waiting for it to come to you. Thank you for showing me how to stand up and be counted; to make each day a memory. Thank you for showing me how to never quit and how to keep going no matter how hard it gets—I'm learning that lesson all over again without you.

Thank you for showing me that my own planet is a wonderful, fascinating and beautiful place and that each and every person is worth saving; that humans have so much capability and capacity for good as well as evil.

Thank you for showing me the stars and for giving me the universe, gift-wrapped with a big Doctor shaped bow.

Thank you for allowing me to see what I can do, for every precious memory, for every second; and most of all thank you for showing me _you_.

Every day you let me see a little bit more you, from the man who saved my life in the basement to the man who couldn't in Canary Wharf.

I don't blame you, god, I could never do that. It was my own fault that I couldn't hang on and I don't want you to blame yourself. I'll even thank you for letting me get to know my little brother Steven. He's a handful but I adore him and tell him stories about my adventures through time and space.

Sometimes it feels like a story or a dream, and only my TARDIS key reminds me that I haven't gone crazy. I hold the cold metal and I'm almost home again back in the TARDIS listening to you rabbit on about something I couldn't possibly expect to understand—being a daft ape and all that.

I want to be back there with you, listening to you insult me and my species and telling me about different planets and history. I want to come home.

But I can't come back and you can't come get me and so I'll just stay and survive. Having a fantastic life—promise.

Just…let me say;

I'm sorry that the last thing you saw me do was cry. Don't remember the tears and runny mascara or red eyes. I want you to remember me in Cardiff in that dress (you know the one), or as your timorous beastie (by the way—I know what that means now, cheeky sod!) or in New New York. Laughing, smiling, joking, being happy just being around you. Remember me like that.

I'm sorry that I never told you not to be alone. I was jealous and petty but the last thing I want is for you to be lonely. Find someone to hold your jacket sleeve while you put your coat on. Find someone to hold your dressing gown while you fight for the planet. Find someone to run with. Find someone to laugh with. But especially, find someone to hold your hand.

Don't be alone. Live again, laugh again, _love_ again.

I hate that I'll never see you again and I'm sorry I'll wither and die but most of all I'm sorry that I couldn't give you forever. I wanted to, and I would have if I could, you do know that, right? I would have given you forever.

But I'll never be sorry that I said what I said. It's true.

I love you. I'll always love you.

What hurts the most is that we wasted so much time with all the words that we didn't say. We thought we had the whole of time—and we wasted it.

It's time that I can't have back, but I won't regret it, Doctor, never regret it. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

I'll stop now, I've said what I mean to and I can't cry anymore.

I have to move on. I'll let you loose but I'll never let you go.

You'll always be my Doctor and I'll always be

Your _Rose_

And don't worry about the words you couldn't say—I know.


End file.
